Tag Daft
KEYBOARD GUIDE (PC)

In 2015 I made a keyboard guide to help people find the keys on their muddled-up keyboards. At the time I used Apple computers myself so without really thinking too much I made it as an Apple keyboard, however a few people complained that as PC users this diagram was confusing and bewildering to them. Now, almost ten years later I am releasing an updated PC version. You can order it here.
THE HISTORY OF FUCKING

I made a timeline charting the invention of fucking. Partly based this on the organism Microbrachius Dicki which I read was the first-known animal to stop reproducing by spawning and instead mate by fucking. To be 100% accurate though the graph should mention that after the Dicki died out fucking also stopped for a few million years before being brought back by the ancestors of sharks and rays. And this was the article I read that in, also fun fact: In the article there’s also a cute little diagram of them holding hands while they do it: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-29661446
HORNY FOR MODEL TRAINS

Making things for the Museum of Neoliberalism gift shop and had a few of these Hornby model train badges made up. Available here.
JESUS CHRIST VAN HIRE

A few people asked if I was doing prints of my Jesus Christ Van Hire poster that appeared on the tube a little while back so I decided to do a small A5 print run of them for £17 each. You can order here.
JIGSAW JIGSAW

If you’d like to populate your nightmares, or the nightmares of your loved ones, with the endless frustration of a recursive jigsaw jigsaw, I’ve started a Kickstarter to get these made up: www.kickstarter.com/projects/darrencullen/jigsaw-jigsaw EDIT: Below is the original mockup
THANK YOU FOR THE THANK YOU CARD CARD

My new contribution to the economy. Available in the shop.
REAL FAKE OYSTER

REPOST: I made these Fake Oyster Card stickers to put over your real Oyster card so it looks fake but still works. It’s a massive waste of everyone’s time, including yours, and you can get it in the shop. #Daft
MR DEMOTIVATOR

Mr Demotivator is back as a ceramic mug or whatever. Look I don’t know. You can get one here.
EASTER

Super glad to live a normal country that has a holiday to celebrate the day someone was tortured to death. Happy Human Sacrifice Day Everyone!
INSECT BULLYING
READ MOREINSECT BULLYINGREAL FAKE OYSTER CARD

Waste everyone’s time, including your own, with this instantly unconvincing Fake Oyster Card sticker kit. Stick it over your real Oyster card so it looks like a fake Oyster card, even though it still works like a real Oyster card. There you have it. Why would you do this? Don’t ask me. You bought it. From here, remember?
SMOKE ALARMS

Make sure to check the snooze button on your smoke alarm works correctly. #Daft
NEVER FORGOT

Lest me forget when the Cookie Monster appeared on BBC’s The One Show wearing a poppy pierced through his flesh. Based on a true story.
WRITING
READ MOREWRITINGI WANT THIS WRITTEN ON MY GRAVESTONE
READ MOREI WANT THIS WRITTEN ON MY GRAVESTONEJACK NICHOLSON – OUT NOW

I have no idea why I did this. But if you want a print, they’re in the shop.
QWERTY

Because the keys on a keyboard are all muddled up and wrong instead of being laid out alphabetically, most people when writing on their computers just hit the buttons in a blind panic and hope for the best, but this is incorrect. The proper technique, used by professionals, is to look up the desired letter in a “keyboard guide” like the one above. This way, by quickly and conveniently following the line to the corresponding button, you can locate the required character on your actual keyboard in a matter of moments, dramatically increasing both your productivity and wellbeing. #lifehacks Available as a limited edition print to hang in your work cubicle or home computer room
FAKE REAL OYSTER CARD

Turn your real Oyster card into a fake Oyster card with this convincingly pointless sticker kit. Available here. Cover each side of the card with the hard-wearing vinyl sticker, cut off the overlapping edges with the supplied scalpel and you’re all set to mildly confuse your friends, fellow commuters and ticket inspectors for no discernible reason.
SCIENCE

Available as a limited edition art print. #Science
PARTY TOWN

Available as a limited edition print / sticker / postcard / poster. #Daft
BIOLOGY

In case you ever wondered how the toothbrushes in your bathroom reproduce. It has been observed that, after many months of intermingling between brushes, a mature toothbrush will eventually spread its bristles to allow saliva spores to dribble down the side of the cup and settle around its base. Out of this substrate new toothbrushes will then spring up and grow to full size. By spring, your toothbrush cup will be bustling with a wild array of different toothbrush species, until the point comes that they are culled, plucked by a keen-eyed human and thrown in the bin.

Available as a limited edition print or a sticker (below)
BELOW

Just a reminder that my new comic BELOW is out now. The story of a man sent into the pits of the Earth on a mission of zero importance. It’s just £4 from my shop. In some other mild news, I made the (very) longlists for the British Comic Awards in the Best Comic (for ‘Join the Army’) and Emerging Talent categories. So there. #Comics
NEW COMIC

Here’s the cover for my new comic BELOW, a bleak sci-fi comedy about mankind’s first subterranean space station. You can order it here. I’ve spent most of the month working on this so that’s why it’s been a bit quiet round here. Launching at Safari Comics Festival this Saturday in London where I’ll be doing a stall of my wares: https://www.facebook.com/events/255312464660716
ACTUAL FACTS

All real facts at the time of print. I had to get the fucking scientific calculator out for this shit.
MICHAEL JACKSON
READ MOREMICHAEL JACKSONI DREW A TRUMPET

You can get this as a print. Close up photos below.
CAPTAIN PLANET

In other news I’m going to be showing work at The Gallery in Stoke Newington from the 22nd-26th January as part of an exhibition in support of The Icarus Project. You can find the Facebook event here.
STOP! IT’S MR DEMOTIVATOR!

The procrastination which preceded me drawing this was part of the concept ok. #Celebrities
AD BREAK

This one’s based on an advert I saw in a dream. #Advertising #Consumerism
ARGUMENTS
READ MOREARGUMENTSBIRTHDAY CARD

Here comes Mr. Time with a special birthday message about the inevitability of death and the impossibility of permanence! Celebrate the steady march of entropy with this easily disposable card made from the mashed wood pulp of once living trees. Look forward with a smile to the obliteration that awaits us all and everything we have ever known. Available to buy here
CHE GUEVARA T-SHIRT T-SHIRT

OUT OF STOCK
WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED

I found this dried out dead frog on a road in Thailand and decided to immortalise him in an appropriate fashion. I feel like it’s what he would have wanted. This is currently hanging in my bathroom, but I’m willing to sell it for the right price. #Daft #Animals #Space
BAT MAN

I redesigned the Batman logo. T-shirts etc: Europe store | N.American store #Batman
