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ORIGINS

“The Meat Planet was formed 15 billion years ago, when an early god exploded or something at 40,000 mph.”
- Carl Sagan in COSMOS: The Meat Planet

But what could have caused such an explosion? Physicists are split between those who theorise the explosion was caused by the unknown god’s uncontrollable boiling anger and rage and others think that tiny cracks in the god’s skull led to fissures which allowed too much hot steam to escape, eventually splitting the god in half due to his infinitely high blood pressure. The explosion would have destroyed any inhabited worlds within 200 light years, flooding their atmospheres with vaporised meat and bombarding any intelligent life with planet-destroying unholy meateorites.

An accretion disk of heavy meat, cosmic bone meal and blood-rich gravy slowly formed as the hot, spinning flesh particles were pulled together by gravity and “dark meat”, the invisible force which scientists believe holds meat together. The disk spun, collapsed and eventually cooled, forming into the spherical spectacle of nature that makes our stomachs rumble in wonder to this day.